Today was just blah. I feel like a failure as a teacher. Can't pinpoint one specific reason why. I just do. I feel like my lessons are all too scattered. I feel like I'm teaching to a test. I feel like I have wonderful reasons why I'm teaching the kids certain things, but I'm apparently not communicating said reasons. I feel like they're bored. I feel like they all hate English...and it's my fault. I feel like I'm not doing a single thing right. I feel like I hear, "You're a wonderful teacher!" from people who have never seen me teach, but I'm not hearing those things from people who have seen me teach.
I know the following:
- It's my first year.
- I mess up every day. Everybody does.
- There will always be days like this.
- I am my own worst critic.
I just feel beat down. I'm not ready for tomorrow. I don't want to spend my evening planning, but alas, that is what will happen. Blah.
Hmm...how many times did I say "I feel" or "I think" in the above sentences? I don't know even want to know. Must remind myself: it's not about me. Must remember the verse my momma gave me as a 2nd grader: "Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take." Joshua 1:9
Final reminder: It's going to be okay.
Hey Heide-
ReplyDeleteI know it probably won't make you feel bette, but what are you are feeling is very normal! In fact, those feelings are what make you a good teacher! Even though I have never seen you teach, I have seen enough teachers to know that the good ones are the ones who at the end of the day are evaluating and trying to do things better. That doesn't mean you should beat yourself up on a daily basis, but at least give yourself credit for having the heart and desire to become a better teacher. (and teachers who NEVER feel this way should get out of the classroom for a bit).
Just knowing you, I know that you are meeing your students needs, and not just academically. Keep up the good work, and know that the second year gets significantly easier :)
-Dana Oswald (entz)