I can split my first year of teaching into 4 distinct time frames:
1st quarter: You guys, I literally had no idea what was going on. Ever. I arrived at work by 6:45 every morning and stayed until at least 5 or 5:30, but looking back, I have no clue how I was even spending my time. I rested Friday night and Saturday, but after lunch on Sunday, the rest of my day was spent doing school stuff (oh, and crying...always lots of crying). My stellar mentor teacher shared her entire drive of files with me just to give me a head start and I had a kind freshman teacher who gave me her weekly plans every single week since I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE how to lesson plan. It's like I hadn't just spent five years (yes, 5) preparing to be a teacher. I pulled my hair in front of the students, cried most days on my way home, and regularly asked my worst class dumb questions like, "Kids, what am I doing wrong? Why are you treating me this way?" It was rough.
2nd quarter: I was well into my third or fourth unit with both my classes, so I was beginning to develop a rhythm. A friend and I started taking a yoga class twice a week which enabled me to not only leave before the sun set every day, but also provided me a time to literally just breathe. Oh, I should also mention, I still didn't like what I was doing, ha. Nope, not at all. I dreaded going to work every day and prayed all through December that we would get a snow day (spoiler alert - didn't happen).
(Not feeling encouraged? It gets better, promise).
3rd quarter: While I still didn't enjoy going to work, I at least was beginning to feel a bit more confident. I didn't have a 6th hour from hell any longer and the regularity of colleagues asking for my hall pass had slowed down (I teach at a large school, so being confused for a student was a common occurrence). We had 5 snow days this quarter (of course I would remember that...I was praying for 25 snow days).
4th quarter: At this point, summer was within reach and all I had to do was knuckle down and make it. I didn't yell at my students near as much (because, let's face it, when is that ever effective?!). I definitely found a rhythm to my everyday. But mostly, I knew that I only had to survive a few more months before a clean slate.
Phew, you made it. Looking back, I can laugh about it, but, I see you, first-teacher teacher, crying every day. And I get that it's not funny, yet.
I can honestly say that I love my job now. I really do. But I could not have said that during my first four years.
After two years in the general English classroom, I decided, for a myriad of reasons, that gen ed English was not my happy place. Not by a long-shot. I wasn't ready to throw in the education towel, so I hopped over to special education. And that, my friends, still wasn't my happy place for two years. It was better, but not "I LOVE MY JOB. EVERYONE QUIT WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND JOIN ME" awesome. It was just fine for two years.
Let's talk about what shifted.
I had a baby and I TOOK A CHILL PILL (figuratively and literally, but we don't need to talk about the literally, ha - check out this post to understand why).
Now, this isn't me saying, "Go have a baby; it'll fix everything!" Stop that. Don't be silly. It won't fix everything.
Friends, it's all about perspective.
What is the hardest part about your job right now? My answer to that question early on was that I was overwhelmed with such large classes and I felt like I wasn't meeting individual needs. When I switched to special education, my answer was that I was bored. I fixed that by changing how I taught. It helped immensely to have a new curriculum handed to us - nothing boring about teaching something brand new every day!
So, sweet first-year teacher - what IS the hardest part about your job? Answer that question and then try to fix it. Now, impressionable friend, do not, I repeat, DO NOT go down the rabbit-trail of "well if the administration would just do this" or "if my students were just different" or "if I didn't have to teach this." Yada, yada. There are a million things we don't have control of (that has nothing to do with teaching, but has everything to do with LIFE). We can't fix a bazillion of our issues, but we can control ourselves.
You probably have lots of things bothering you as a first-year teacher (and that's okay!). Be bothered - it's what makes you passionate! But don't be bothered to the point that you burn out. Ask for stinkin help. You surely have a colleague down the hall a call or email away from handing you everything you could possibly need to plan the next quarter's worth of lessons. Just ask. We're teachers. We love teaching. :)
This is getting all mumbly jumbly. Gah, I just love you so much and think you're awesome and don't want you to quit just because you don't have it all figured out. I'm six years in and I still have days I don't know what I'm going (I'm guessing teachers who have taught for much longer would say the same). We just have more teaching tools in our toolbox. I guarantee you're adding to your toolbox every single day. And the first day you get the chance to pull from that toolbox in a spur of the moment lesson will be the best day ever. Because it will mean you're gonna make it.
Fight through this first year. Every day might be a struggle, but you'll make it. And you'll come out even stronger. And no matter how much you think you're jacking up these kids, just remember: kids are crazy resilient. They'll come out fine. I promise it's going to be okay.
PS - if you seriously are struggling with the ins and outs of every day, please reach out to me if you don't feel like you have anyone. I have a crap-ton of resources that can be modified to whatever level you kids are. I got your back, friend.
