B2S

Every year since I was probably 6, I've felt this way at the end of July/beginning of August.  I know something big is about to happen.  I can sense it.  It's hotter than heck out, the back corner of Target no longer has patio furniture displayed, and letters from various educational institutions start popping up in my mailbox.

It's "back to school" time.

Let me tie up some loose ends for you...

• I'm pretty sure I've cried the night before the first day of school for the past 20ish years. 
• When I began my educational journey at Tabor, I was told that if I didn't like school as a youngster, I should not become a teacher.  
• I've never not liked school.
• I've always had the social support while at school (except for 2nd grade when I walked into a new school and bawled every day for the first 3 months...but we won't talk about that).
• I've always had the familial support at home (moms, dads, bros, hubs, etc.).
• I've always had the academic support at school (teachers, counselors, administration, etc.).
• Etc.

So why do I experience that "pit in your stomach, might vomit every 30 minutes, must take a deep breath before opening said 'first days of school schedule' from various educational institutions" feeling?

I ask myself that every year.

Anticipating change is hard for me.  Have I mentioned that before?

•  I vomited during my first week of special education student teaching.  It was different than my regular education placement, and I had a difficult time wrapping my mind around the differences.  Update:  by week 2, I was loving the time I was spending with those kiddos.
• I wept a week before our wedding.  Not because I was concerned about my upcoming nuptials, but because my life was about to completely change, and that was my way of anticipating it.  Update:  I love our marriage, and it has been beautifully awesome and awesomely beautiful. 
• Last summer and fall, I cried every Sunday at church because I knew school was about to start/the week was about to start...and it freaked me out.  Update:  the first 2 months were hellish, yes.  But after that, every week was better than the previous. 

As you can see, change brings about a primarily-emotional reaction.  As I approach year 2 in a district I'm blessed to be part of, I remind myself of the following:

• It is going to be a lot of work.
• There are some changes that I'm not yet aware of, and they will throw me for a loop.
• I'm going to have some students who seem unapproachable/lost/so far behind that they feel like a lost cause.
• I'm going to be tired...and probably hot because my classroom is always hot.

BUT...

• I feel that now, more than ever, the calling on my life is to love those kids and teach them as best as I can.
• There is no way this year can be more work than last year.  Not possible.
• The changes that will undoubtedly occur will give me a chance to practice flexibility.  Ha.
• Even the // students are worth my best effort.  One changed life is worth the work.
• I will sleep in on the weekends...and buy an oscillating fan. 

Year 2, I am almost ready for you.  Bring it. Holla!