BDC Week 10: AKA Figuring Out All Things Bennett D

OH. MY. WORD.

So we have this tiny human who lives in our house now. He weighs 12 pounds 11.6 ounces.  And he is over 25 inches long (holla tall people!).  And he has given us a run for our money for 9 weeks.  But, friends, finally (I know, 9 weeks doesn't seem long, but, friends, 9 weeks with our troubled babe was long), we have started to figure out our long, skinny friend.

This post is dedicated to anyone who has said a prayer for us over the last 9 weeks.  You know who you are.  The ones who received an SOS text from yours truly.  The ones who received emails, texts, and calls from my mom eliciting prayers.  The ones who listened to me bawl over the phone or skype (you know exactly who you are).  And the ones who prayed every day and hoped with us that we would eventually figure something out.

Thank you.  Your prayers made the mountains we were trying to cross with little B turn into molehills.  Your prayers gave me peace when I was literally about to lose my mind.  And your prayers comforted me during countless challenging feedings.

So here's what works for our slender bundle of happiness:

• I nurse only at night - middle of the night once and first feeding of the day
• Bster takes a bottle of breastmilk every other feeding
• We still give Benji-pants 3 doses of Zantac every day

And here are factors that made this all come to be:

• We think the B-man has some reflux - we tried different nursing positions, gripe water (even the Canadian stuff - thanks, Sarah!!), gas drops, and finally Zantac
• I was highly stressed when his feeding started to go downhill - this resulted in a drop in my supply which meant that my babe was likely not getting as much as he needed for a few weeks.  The stress turned into anxiety which became so awful that I went to see my doctor (more about this in another post when I'm a bit more removed from it all). 
• Benny-boo-bear is slightly collicky.  Apparently some collicky babies are comforted by nursing...not our BBB
• Daytime feedings got so rotten that he was sometimes going 6 hours during the day without eating.  And during these 6 hours, we would pace with him, sit on our porch swing, try  (often unsuccessfully) to get him to fall asleep, and do The Happiest Baby on the Block so many times it wasn't even comical.

So we said, screw it all, we're trying the bottle.  And, what do you know, he took it like a champ.  On Monday DaddyDan questioned who switched our baby in the night.  He really is like a brand new baby and all three of us are ridiculously thankful.  We recognize we may not be out of the woods yet.  BUT we finally feel like we've had enough victories to get us through.  

Our baby is healthy.

Our baby is growing.

And our baby is finally happy.

Serious PTL.

BDC Week 3

The last 2 1/2 weeks have been challenging, exhausting, and overwhelming, but also joyful, sweet, and extremely fulfilling.  This pendulum of emotions is exhausting in itself.  So I'm cherishing the here and now in an attempt to remind myself that he's only a newborn once.

Bennett will not always be this needy.  I need to cherish the fact that what he needs most right now are his parents.  We are his sustenance and security. 

His tiny bottom won't always fit in the palm of my hand.  His most comfortable place for napping won't always be on my chest.  He won't always be able to be calmed by being swaddled, shushed, and rocked (please picture someone rocking a teenage boy...doesn't happen, right?).  I know I'll blink and we'll be sending him off to college (#peckemjays). 

He won't always be calmed by the rhythmic squeak of the porch swing or momma singing "Victory in Jesus" over and over (currently his favorite tune). 

He won't always wake in the night needing momma.  And he won't always have kick-stand arms when I unswaddle him.

His hair won't always be this greasy due to momma and daddy constantly stroking it. Something tells  me tween Bennett won't really want his parents always touching his hair.

Baby Bennett won't always receive so much attention from momma and daddy.  Someday he'll be a big brother and he'll have to share his two favorite people.  But for now, he's an only child and we're eating up that fact.  

Even though the last two weeks have felt a bit like an eternity due to lack of sleep and general fussiness (on behalf of both baby and momma), this time is truly precious.  Bennett D is not perfect.  No baby is. But he's our Bennett D.  And we, as they say, love him to the moon and back.

He's HERE!!!

Our tiny friend has arrived!  With feedings every 2 hours, I don't have time to give you the deets (of course you'll get all the juicy details sometime), but for now, know that our favorite little person is residing outside of the womb and we couldn't be more thrilled.

Bennett D Carlson was born Friday, June 27 at 4:20 pm.  Weighing in at 8 pounds, 13 ounces and measuring 22 inches, we're pretty sure he'll pass up momma in height before he turns 15.  DaddyDan and mommaD happily welcomed little B home on Sunday. 

Who knew it was possible to love a little one this much!?  Life is sweet.

Pregnancy Journal #5

Disclaimer:  I never thought I'd do another pregnancy journal with this pregnancy because I NEVER CONSIDERED BEING OVERDUE.  Shame on me.  Here I sit, 3 days overdue with no end in sight.  I'll admit, I'm being a bit melodramatic (figures, right?), but I truly never imagined that I would be going on an anniversary date with a basketball-sized belly.  When will I ever learn?  Ha, hot mess.  All the time. 

Here are some of the recent capers of baby C, #daddyDan, and giant mother:

Stranger Observations:  We ate at Chipotle Saturday night to celebrate one last evening without a tiny friend (hahahahahahahahaha, "one last night," hahahahahahahaha).  I went through the line and ordered my fave (flour tacos, chicken, a little white rice, corn salsa, pico, cheese, sour cream, guac on the side - now you know).  When I moved from where the high counter meets the low counter, one of the workers saw me and literally gasped, "Ahhhh!  I did NOT see that coming!"  As in, "Whoa, giant belly, did not expect that!!"  I about died.  Yet another reason baby C must exit the premises immediately.  It's striking fear into the hearts of strangers!

Exercise:  Weeeeelllllll, I try to do something active each day.  Sometimes that means running errands and attempting not to grunt too loudly when I enter and exit the car.  Other times that means convincing daddyDan to take me walking (last night our venue of choice was Lowe's).  Other times that means swimming at our local fitness club.  But let's be honest, I don't swim.  I stand.  Occasionally I bounce.  And sometimes I even walk laps.  Oh to be a fly on the wall in the office:  "There's that pregnant lady again.  I guess when a few days pass and we haven't seen her, we'll know she's not a giant anymore."  During one of my latest swimming sessions, I was pausing at one end of the lap lane before taking off on my sprint once more and one of the lifeguards came over to me and asked me to move from the lap lane if I wasn't going to use it.  I have no words.  But so many, MANY emotions including, but not limited to, anger, rage, and any emotion that a sailor with an excessive potty-mouth would experience.  Not pretty.

Contractions:  I swear I was in labor Friday night.  And then again Saturday night.  And then again Sunday night.  And then I gave up.

Friends:  We feel so engulfed by love.  Every day for the past week I've heard from someone out of the blue "just checking on me."  And it's so sweet.  My girlfriends have seriously rallied behind me, from taking me on walks to bringing me Sonic happy hour drinks (diet watermelon limeade, easy ice...now you know...I also wouldn't say no to mozzarella sticks) to sending me boxes of "get to the finish line" supplies to last-minute dinner invites to pool party invitations to quick phone-call check-ins to daily "here's what I'm doing today, feel free to join any of the aforementioned activities" to so many other loving things.  You gals are the best.  Seriously.  I believe I have all 5 love languages as my top love language (Danz thinks this makes me high-maintenance...I think it makes me easy to please, anywho), but my number one is definitely "words of affirmation," and let me tell you, I am feeling might affirmed.  So a huge heartfelt thanks to all of you who have reached out.  Your words have meant the world and have legitimately kept me from going insane. 

Grateful:  You all know I'm sarcastic and snarky and full of ridiculous things.  But I really am so thankful for this journey of carrying a wee one.  I'm thankful my body has proven to be a decent home for a tiny human to grow and flourish.  And the fact that I can absolutely not wait until babe arrives is truly a testament to God's grace and provision and timing.  You see, up until about a month ago, I was so full of fear that I couldn't even think about my due date or what would happen once babe actually arrived.  You may or may not know that I'm a teacher.  And I am a processor and love to spend lots of time reflecting on life (I'm a bit of an extroverted introvert).   Historically, summer has meant house projects, visiting people I love, and resting.  This summer, so far, I've completed zero house projects (with exception to finishing the nursery, of course) and I have spent minimal time traveling to visit people (because, as I mentioned in a previous post, car rides are of the devil....oh, and because baby was supposed to come early).  But oh have I rested.  And processed.  And reflected.  And what a gift it has been.  I can't count the numbers of hours I've spent sitting on our porch swing or in our nursery just thinking.  I know, I know, "enjoy it now because it will never be the same."  I get it.  And I'm ready.  I'm ready for a new normal and a new routine.  I'm ready for sleepless nights.  I'm ready to watch daddyDan be daddyDan.  I'm ready for endless loads of laundry and for losing tiny socks in the wash.  I'm ready for a messy house due to a human the size of my thigh.  I'm ready for spontaneity to be a bit more challenging.  I'm ready for playdates with other tiny humans and their mommas.  And I'm ready for my heart to explode with love for someone I've never met.  It's time, baby C.  We're ready for you.  

Nursery Tour!

AKA:  "The One Where Heidi Gets All Sappy"

I've been waiting until the nursery is officially "done" to show you any pictures, but it technically won't be done until we know if we'll hang a "Q" or an "X" above the crib*.  Soooooooo, here are some pictures of progress!

Enjoy my lackluster photography skillz.

One my favorite parts of the nursery is the sweet yellow built-ins.  My parents and I SLAVED over these suckers last 4th of July and I couldn't be more pleased with the results.  So bright and chipper.  And the shelves house many special treasures. 

Here's to hoping that sleep will actually occur.

 Worry not, worriers, all blankets and animals will be removed prior to the placing of baby here.

 So happy.  We purchased black-out blinds since this room is on the southeast side of our house.  So far we've been pleased with both how cool the room stays and how dark it stays when the shades are pulled.  They're certainly not the most glamorous-looking window treatments, but they serve a very important purpose, so we're okay with the lack of aesthetic value.

 A happy rocking corner.  First of all, how adorable is the whale sound machine?  I die a little every time I look at it.  Claim to fame:  one of my colleague's sons is a designer for Homemedics and he designed it!  So that makes me kind of a big deal.

 And how about a close-up of this chair!?  This chair's former home was the basement of my mother-in-law's house.  It belonged to Danz' grandma and we snagged it over Christmas.  THEN I had a friend of mine recover it with this gorgeous fabric from Shlobby Bobby.  (Andrea, if you're reading this, please know that I am forever grateful to you for your work on this chair.  It. Is. Perfect.)  The chair is a swivel/glider/recliner and we already have spent some quality time breaking it in.  In fact, I'm sitting in it as I write and daddyDan uses it in the morning before work. 

 The lamp was a sore subject for a few weeks as I purchased several that did not pass daddyDan's lamp test.  After many heated conversations, we landed on this one, and I'm decently satisfied. 

 Sentimental moment:  My grandma Vogt (mom's mom) knitted both these blankets.  The yellow one was my baby gift 27 years ago and the green one is baby C's.  The yellow one smells like my parent's house and the green one smells like my grandma - both smells are so comforting and remind me of home.  While grandma has 8 grandchildren, she only has 4 great-grandchildren (5 including baby C), but she has a stash of great-grandbaby blankets because she knows that once they start coming, they'll come in droves. :)  I think this blanket has been done and ready for a baby since my wedding!  Can't wait to wrap our little stinker in it. 

 Most parents buy their babies sweet puppies or adorable bears or cuddly bunnies.  Not these parents!  DaddyDan says we're "fun people" so we need to buy our babe a fun animal.  I kid you not:  he narrowed it down to a bald eagle, a donkey, and a buffalo.  I was disturbed by the bald eagle, the donkey had long fibers and a tag cautioning from using it with an infant.......so the buffalo won.  It'll give us a chance to teach babe about Kansas, so I can get behind that.

 Danz does not love this picture, but it is one of my most treasured possessions.  The year we moved to Abilene (holla 1994!), my mom gave this to me for my birthday.  I love the idea of the kids being guided and watched as they walk over treacherous water.  You better believe this sucker is staying in the nursery. 

 Another angle of the cheerful shelves.  If you gave me a book at any time in the past 9 months, you better believe it's on a shelf!

Babe's friends.  They will be instant besties. Especially the snuggly buffalo.

So that's that!  If I'm really on my A-game (let's be honest, I never am), I'll post pics once some art is gracing the walls.

*I got you so good.  Baby's name beginning with a "Q" or a "X"?  Hahahahaha, no.  Or maybe yes.  Hmm, only time will tell!!

Pregnancy Journal #4

Officially two weeks from due date!  And baby C is making me very aware of that.  Constant kicks, constant punching of my bladder, and constant giant kankles.  Babe is bored and ready to make a dramatic appearance, I'm sure.  It's been a pretty dreamy 38 weeks, but daddyDan and I are getting anxious to meet the little one who requires so much ice cream, fruit, and sour candy.  

Best stranger or student quotes:

• Over-enthusiastic student:  "Mrs. Carlson, awwwwwww, you look so lovely.  You gonna go all-natural when you give birth?"
• Sonic car-hop (said when I was only 32 weeks pregz):  "Oooooooooo girl, that baby coming any day now, right?!"  "Nope.  Still have 2 months."  "NOOOOOO!  That is one BIG baby!"  

Sleeping:  These days I wake up at least 3 times a night.  Actually, that's a bit of a lie.  I've been waking up at least 3 times a night ever since December.  What has changed is now when I wake up, my body feels like I've just run a marathon.  I literally have to tell myself:  "Self, you have been SLEEPING.  You did not just do P90X nor did you participate in bikram yoga.  You literally make no sense right now."  I'm also excessively sweaty at night.  I've had two fans pointed directly at me and no covers while #daddyDan freezes beside me.

Getting "checked":  You all know I like to keep these posts G-rated, but I must give you the following information.  At 35 or 36 weeks, pregoz have the option to get "checked" by the doctor/midwife to see if dilation has occurred.  I dodged that bullet at 35 weeks but was not given the option at 36 weeks.  I won't name any names, but someone (whose name rhymes with Hammy) told me not to worry and that getting "checked" is less invasive than a yearly physical.  LIES.  ALL LIES.  Let's just say I wanted to die and was seeing stars afterward.  Sooooo at my 37 week appointment when the midwife asked if I'd like to be checked, I kindly declined.  Um, I'd rather you not jam your arm inside me up to your elbow.  No thanks, walking on lava sounds much better right now.   Mmkay, see you next week WHEN I WON'T HAVE A CHOICE (Lord, grant me the serenity...).

Food:  Danz works with a gal who is about 6 weeks behind me in her pregnancy.  About two weeks ago, she mentioned to him that she can no longer eat full meals because the baby is taking up too much room.  Quoth daddyDan:  "Hmm, interesting.  Heidi hasn't hit that point in her pregnancy."  TRUTH.  Baby has, in no way, diminished my ability to shovel any amount of food into my stomach.  Not sure if I should be concerned or just really proud of this fact.  I aim to impress, people.

Car rides:  ARE OF THE DEVIL.  There is nothing I loathe more than sitting in a car at this stage of my pregnancy.  Except maybe getting "checked" (see above).   End of story.

Water breakage precaution:  daddyDan is seriously concerned about my water breaking anywhere that would require clean-up.  He's so concerned, in fact, that I must sit on a towel while driving and I'm probably about a week from being required to sit on a towel on our couch.  We do have an awesome couch, so I'll humor him. 

Birthing class:  I had Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the whole class.  I think baby C was just warming up.  So bizarre. Daniel and I also laughed 56% more than everyone else combined.  Not because we think labor and delivery is hilarious, but because there were so many words and images that we could either choose to cry about in anticipation of or laugh because, one way or another, this baby is coming out of me. 

Prayers for baby C:  During the first two trimesters, I prayed for EVERYTHING:  a good (and easy!) birth, a healthy baby, a baby that isn't collicky, ease in the transition, ease of nursing, yada, yada, yada.  Then about 2 months ago I realized that I couldn't pray away all the challenging aspects of labor, delivery, and post-partum.  So now I pray for peace in the transition.  That Daniel and I will work as a team to meet baby's needs and that we will take every challenge and immediately turn it over to the Lord.  Parenting will be difficult, of this I am certain.  BUT I have the best baby daddy of all time and a God who is bigger than my fear of all the things baby-entering-the-family.  Amen.

Pregnancy Journal #3

Let's dive right in, shall we?

Emotions:  Holy hot pickle on a scorching Sunday afternoon.  These emotions.  They are my nemesis.  A few short days ago, hysterical laughter turned into hysterical tears without any warning.  By nature, I'm a bit of a procrastinator. So I'm 31 weeks into this whole "being pregnant for the first time" thing and I hadn't spent one second looking for child-birthing classes.  Shame. Finally when I remembered to look, ALL classes in Topeka, Lawrence, Olathe, and Overland Park were either booked or at times when we're out of town or have a major event.  Not even kidding.  At first, when when I shared this conundrum with #daddydan, I about died laughing.  Then reality struck and the tears started to fall.  Poor daddy Dan.  His response?  Unprompted by yours truly, he picks up the phone and starts calling hospitals in a 60 mile radius to ask about birthing classes.  Meanwhile, I'm sniffling and wiping snot on his t-shirt (because his t-shirts are the only ones that fit me anymore...cue more tears).  #besthusbandever

Itchy Everything:  I'm just itchy.  Always.  Apparently my skin is stretching (??) and a side-effect is itchiness.  Not a big deal.  Except when you get paid to stand in front of teenagers for 8 hours a day.  Let's just say I think I've perfected the art of nonchalant itching.  Just don't verify with my co-teachers.

Kankles:  I've never been one to have chubby ankles, but now it seems as though they are part of my daily wardrobe.  Said ankles are so chubby that some of my socks don't fit.  Truth.

Nesting:  If baby coconut came tomorrow, he/she would be sharing a room with bags of clothes waiting to be donated/sold, painting supplies, suitcases galore, and enough furniture to fill a small flea market.  Dear friends, daddy Dan and I talked through our "must happen before baby coconut arrives" list and we were so overwhelmed that our only reaction was to continue swinging on our newly installed porch swing.  About every day I remind myself that nothing that "needs to happen" truly needs to happen.  It's going to be okay.

Gender:  I have my suspicions about what baby C is, but apparently since my suspicions aren't based in science (aka: sonogram), people don't believe me.  Whatever.  I will laugh my "told you so" laugh when baby arrives...or I will laugh my "I'm always wrong" chortle.  Whichever color baby C comes home in will become my new favorite color, of this I am certain.

Shakira:  Just call me Shak because my hips don't lie.  Pajama pants that used to be baggy on me are now excessively taut.  Supposedly this is because I'm about to push out a head that is in the 99th percentile (quoth the doctor: "you know, the head is the most difficult part to get out." NBD.)(and daddy Dan is still reigning champion of the widest shoulders in McPherson county...you think I kid, but I assure you I could not be more serious).  Bring it, baby C.  My hips were made for birthing, and that's just what they'll do. 

Prayer:  My most recent prayer comes from the book that is currently rocking my world - Restless by Jennie Allen (do yourself a favor and read it).  I pray that baby C's "soul is steadied and secure because his/her eyes are laser-focused on the one who built and rescued his/her soul."  Amen and amen. 

31 weeks down.  9 to go.  We press on!