Before Baby #2

There is so much to write before baby girl makes her appearance. And I've been paralyzed by all the swirling thoughts until recently when I realized that the thoughts are just going to get more swirly unless I just start writing.  So with this post, I have no goal. There is no "one topic" or theme. Rather, this is a compilation of my mind in these final weeks of being an oven for a very active little girl.

On friends:
After every experience with my girlfriends, I am reminded just how precious friends are and how worth it it really is to make friends and be a good friend. Last Friday night my equally-as-pregnant friend and I sat on the bathroom floor while we bathed our toddlers. Neither of us were comfortable but watching our tots pour water on each other and squeal with delight while we sat on the hard tile floor will undoubtedly be filed away in our minds and hearts for years to come.

At a recent girls night, we were all able to agree that this season of life is so sweet. And so hard. We swapped stories of our birthing experiences and our growing families. And we were able to agree that a phrase we say to our husbands almost nightly is: "Should we watch another episode or just go to bed?"

These are precious moments.

On being pregnant for the second time:
This pregnancy has been so different from the first. Baby girl moves constantly which is equally reassuring and exhausting. I'm basically in pain all the time. Womp womp. And, because I strive to be authentic on this little blog, I'll admit something so disturbing to you. I've gained 10 pounds in the last two weeks. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN. I've decided it's all baby. Let's just leave it at that.

I'm in that funky part of a pregnancy when I want her to keep growing because a bigger baby will eat better and sleep better so obviously that's more pleasant in the long run. HOWEVER, I'm at the end of my rope physically. I'm sore, tired, yada yada, all the things that are standard for the final few weeks. My sub plans for maternity leave are set so she could come anytime now, but I have such a killer plan of when she should come and when I will return back to school that it's fine if she wants to hang out inside for a few more weeks. Whatevs. We're about to cross that finish line (I'm 37 weeks now and she's measuring big, so anytime now is safe).

On the toddler no longer being my baby:Oh this one I have shed many tears over. I think he's ready for the transition. I mean, as ready as a two year old ever is for something that is going to turn his world upside down. We talk about the baby being in mommy's tummy though he is occasionally still convinced the baby is in his tummy. Someday we'll break it to him that his tummy won't ever hold a baby.

We talk about the baby's room (he's now in his big boy room with a queen-sized bed because, holla, that's what we had). We talk about how the baby is his little sister and is a girl. I've tried to have him say her name with minimal success. Daniel has threatened to not tell me the name of our next child though I have reminded him that we split the naming duty 50/50 so that's unfortunately not an option.

Bennett is his daddy's sidekick and will spend hours in the garage standing on the 'yadder' while Dan builds things. I think this is the Lord's way of preparing us all for the transition. I envision many evening and weekend hours where my boys will be fixing things in the garage while little miss and I do what newborns and mommas do. And this vision is oh so sweet to me.

I know we could read a million books to "help him prepare for the transition" and that's all good and fun. But I also know that, as a two year old, nothing will make it as real to him as when it actually happens. So I'm praying daily that (1) he will feel so loved in the midst of bringing a baby home and (2) that he will be such a great big brother to his baby sister. I know we'll have our moments, but I'm choosing to be extremely hopeful about the fall.

I have had many moments of "mommy-guilt" as I finish out this pregnancy. Am I spending enough intentional time with Bennett? Am I remembering every single second and loving it all ? Am I doing it right? And you know what conclusion I've come to? I'm doing the best I can. We will make it to the other side. Even if that means Bennett watches WAY more Thomas than I ever thought possible and if I spend more hours on the cough than anywhere else. It'll be okay. This is a season and this too, shall pass, and Bennett will be resilient.

On writing:
I love writing. So very very much. Due to the constant swirling of my mind, writing is a way to help me make sense of all the things. I've never asked this question but I sense the need to ask it. What would you like me to write about? I've been at a loss as of lately but my mind and my heart miss it. Give me a little feedback.

Perhaps the next time we chat I'll have a tiny human next to me rather than inside me. I miss you, dear readers. Let's chat again soon.