I don't speak about this lightly as I recognize that Bennett is his own person who will, one day, read these posts (hi much older Bennett, I bet you're pretty awesome...you've always been pretty awesome). So this is more my side of the story and my feelings regarding the areas of struggle for our wee one.
One disclaimer my friend Cindy gave is the realization that, in light of all the special challenges faced by so many kiddos, we want to recognize that our kids' challenges are minor. But, nonetheless, they are real to us. So thanks, Cindy, for so graciously giving space to talking about minor and major hard things.
When Bennett was about 15 months old, it was subtly pointed out to me that perhaps he was behind in his speech. At the time, he was only saying "mama" and "dada" though I'm not convinced that he conceptually knew what those words meant. His wonderful daycare provider was a speech therapist and she gently encouraged us to seek out other assistance when, at 18 months, he was not making any progress in regards to speech development.
Last January, when Bennett was 19 months, I made the call to our local early childhood support agency and choked back tears as I explained my concerns. An evaluation was scheduled and a whole slew of professionals descended upon our house to evaluate our little boy.
The day of the evaluation he actually had a fever and was much less babbly than normal. The final question during the evaluation was, "What keeps you up at night in regards to his speech?" Of course, being the emotional momma that I am, I started crying and explained that I just want him to be normal. And I feared that his lack of speech would prevent a "normal" life.
I could talk for DAYS about all the wonderful people at TARC. They have been encouraging when they need to be encouraging, full of knowledge and resources, and so patient as we navigate these waters. Sweet Molly, our speech therapist who I want to adopt as an aunt to our kids, has been phenomenal. I know more about speech development than I ever thought was possible (input is my number one strength, heyo StrengthsQuest...this means I love information) and she has tirelessly given us resources and strategies as we work and work and work to help Bennett with his speech.
So where am I going with all of this?
On this journey, I have gained a great deal of empathy towards parents of children with special needs. I teach special education so I always thought myself to be a woman of compassion. Oh my, was I ever wrong. But I'm learning. For some kiddos, their challenges are broad and dip into many areas. For other kiddos, their challenges are so specific and they are able to, for the most part, function "normally" (whatever that means). Bennett falls into the latter category. I've learned that his exceptionality does not define him (nor should anyone's exceptionality define them!). He's a smart cookie (all parents say that, right?). He knows when Molly and I are talking about his speech development. And he knows when he wants to work on it and when he's just not that interested. Just the other day, Molly and I were trying to figure out how he pronounced the "h" sound. Molly picked up one of his horses and asked him what it was. Bennett, the sly little stinker, just said, "Nope!" Winning.
He's about to age out of his time with TARC and will be evaluated soon to be placed on an actual IEP through our home district. I know with that means. I've written and implemented countless IEPs. But it feels different when it's MY kid who will be on the receiving end.
I think I needed a swift kick in the booty in regards to my thoughts about special education. Bennett's a cool, smart, perceptive, timid, loud, slightly clumsy, and sweet little boy. He's made tons of progress in his speech but we still have a long way to go. We're in it for the long haul. And some days that makes me tearful, but as of lately, it's made me happily expectant. This is not his whole story. This is just a snippet of his story. A mere blip of who he is. If he is able to be more compassionate as a result of this experience, then it was totally worth it. May we, with every day we get with him, push him to see the best in others and not just their abilities or disabilities.
All of my love and more to all you parents. It's a tough job we have, but we wouldn't trade it for the world, am I right?
XOXO
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