Pregnancy Journal 1

I've got lots to say.  No seriously, this could end up being the longest post ever.  And my guess is that my mother and perhaps two other people will be the only ones who make it through.  You see, ever since we found out I'm pregnant (October 10 to be exact), I've wanted to sit down and write about my pregnancy......but those dang pregnancy hormones.......they've just gotten the best of me (more on that later).  So here we are, almost 19 weeks in, and I have so much to say.  Brace yourselves, this could be a strange mixture of hilarity and strangeness.

Finding out:  It was a brisk fallish day when I first took a pregnancy test in October.  Scratch that.  I took 5 pregnancy tests over the period of 2 days.  Not because I was in shock and wanted to confirm, but because I kept doing it wrong.  Yes.  If you've ever wondered, yes, you can take a pregnancy test wrong.  Something about avoiding shaking it.  Whatevs.  After the fifth test, I still was only slightly convinced.  So I didn't even tell Daniel - although I thought about it, I wanted to be sure I was pregnant before I told him.  I almost told him in frustration after the ordeal.  You see, we were in the middle of "taking care of the leaves" season and I was tasked with starting to bag the leaves as soon as I got home from work on that particular Thursday.  And by the time he got home (at his usual time, he wasn't running late), my back was already sore and I was hating everything about what I was doing that I almost said, "I hate this so much and I can't believe I have to do it BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT!!!"  But I believe the Lord worked a miracle and closed my mouth so as not to ruin what would otherwise be a beautiful moment. Moving on.  Three days later I took another test....you know, just to confirm...and what do you know, the plus sign was big and bold.  Hooray!  When I showed Daniel the test, his first words were, "It worked!"  TMI?  #sorrynotsorry  Ha!  Then we went to church (it was a Sunday) and I don't remember anything about the service.  Not a thing.  So blissful.

8 weeks:  I took yet another pregnancy test.  By this point I had literally had zero side-effects.  (Sorry mamas who have horribly painful/uncomfortable first trimesters.)  Yep, still pregz. 

10 weeks:  First doctor's appointment.  The midwife struggled to find the heartbeat.  There were a few terrifying seconds when she said, "Are you sure you're pregnant?"  I wanted to scream, "YES WOMAN!!!  I TOOK 7 PREGNANCY TESTS AND DID AT LEAST 2 OF THEM RIGHT!"  Again, the Lord held my tongue and I just said, "Yes."  They proceeded to do a sonogram and then we saw and heard the little bean.  Whoa.  What a powerful moment.  Heartbeat - 181.  And smiles all around.  I even swear I saw the bean smile.

10 weeks, 2 days:  We FINALLY got to tell our families.  Daniel and I decided to wait until after the first appointment to tell our people and, let me tell you, it was the longest 6 weeks EVER.  It was so fun to tell my family about the first grandbaby and Danz' family the 8th grandbaby.  I literally could not sleep the night before we told because I was so excited...and so strangely nervous!  I'm super sentimental, so I just had to have an object with which to announce.  My family is all about shoes, so we told my family using baby shoes.  And Daniel's family plays this card game called Priscilla so we used that to our advantage (see pics below).  Fun memories.

11 weeks:  This is when the nausea began.  To this day I still haven't thrown up, but OH MY WORD I felt like passing out every moment of every day for about 10 days.  My cure was eating one Saltine (Daniel thinks it was placebo...whatevs) right when my alarm went off in the morning.  Worked like a charm.  Consider that nausea beat.  Curse you, nausea.  You are never welcome back.  Mamas who battle nausea all throughout pregnancy, I salute you.

12-15 weeks:  Holy exhaustion. Without a nap after school every day, my bedtime was 8 pm.  Not even kidding.  And holy hunger.  At least 3 snacks in between breakfast and lunch and often just as many between lunch and supper.  Poor students.  They still didn't know at this point so they probably thought I was just chubby and hungry.  On the last day before Christmas break, I told most of my students.  Aaaaaaaand it was hilarious.  Many clapped.  Some cheered.  Some didn't care and were annoyed (remember, these are teenagers).  One girl said she wished she had known earlier so she could've thrown me a shower (awwww).  I assured her that I still had 6 months to be pregnant, so there would be plenty of time for such festivities.    

16-18 weeks: Sleeping is a total B.  I'm on my feet most of the day and moving almost constantly that I think the little blueberry doesn't know what to do when I go to bed.  It's all, "Um mom, this is not okay.  I have lots of energy and would prefer that you keep moving.  Mmkay, thanks."  And I'm all, "Sweet little blueberry, I'm done for the day.  Feel free to move about the uterus, but I'm just gonna stay put.  Mmkay, thanks."  (Um, ladies, how fun is it to talk to something inside you?!?!?  Let me just say - that's one of my favorite parts of being pregnant.)  I've had lots of back pain and hip pain and stomach cramps and leg pain, but it's totes okay because baby bell pepper (sis-in-law Roxanne's current nickname and baby's current size) is HEALTHY and active.  And I couldn't be happier about that.

Miscellaneous:

• I'm due June 22.  That gives me 4 weeks after school gets out and 6 weeks before school starts again.  And since babies ALWAYS come on their due dates, this will work out perfectly...as all my plans do.  LOLZ.
• We're not finding out the gender. (Gasp!  Yikes! Sigh!  What!?!  You crazy.)  Yes to all.  We're seriously looking forward to the "it's a......!!" moment.  Yep I'm a planner and yep this is totally unlike me.  But I'm pretty pumped.  
• I am indeed headed back to work in the fall.  The awesome part about having a baby in the summer is that I'll be able to take as much time off as I want without using all my sick leave (that's the way our district works maternity...if you want it paid, you cash in sick days).  I'm planning to go back mid-September, so I'll only miss about 4 weeks with students.  Perfect, no?
• Daniel is a champ.  I have been an emotional disaster for the past 6 weeks and he just takes it all in stride.  When I burst into tears at dinner, he just listens and then lets me lay on the couch and cry while he cleans up.  Sounds pitiful, I know, but it's really okay.
• My students have been hilarious. Several times a week they ask how big it is.  A few weeks ago one of them touched the belly without being authorized.  One asked, "Is it ever weird that there's something ALIVE in you!?"  Many are irritated that we're not finding out the gender.  

So there you have it.  Seriously, I will be impressed if you made it here.  Consider this the first of several pregnancy journals.  I'm sure I'll be back with more hilarious and ridiculous things that occur over the next 21 weeks.  What a journey!  We're loving every bit of it. :)

Prayer Group Update

Approximately 4 months ago, I wrote a post titled "Ladies of Topeka!!!" wherein I called women in Topeka to come to my house early on Thursday mornings for prayer and coffee.  Since that time, I've had quite a few questions as to how it's going.  To be honest?  It has been fantastic.  I've truly loved every Wednesday night because I'm looking forward to Thursday morning.  I've had a handful of dedicated women come to share and pray every week.  The best part?  I'm the common bond between all the women...BUT what's been so cool is that even though these women were, for the most part, strangers, they've gotten to know each other and have been able to be transparent and open.  So awesome.

Some of you love details.  In fact, my guess is that some of you would really like to attend but haven't because you're a bit unsure as to what we "do" each time we meet.  Well, here's a very real breakdown of our time together:
6:30-6:35 - snag some coffee and find a comfy spot on the couch
6:35-6:50 - share prayer request updates (we work really hard to be a group who prays more than shares...sometimes when women share, we get lost in our emotions, but we've found that when we pray, our real heart is shown and our friends are able to see what's really going on....unbelievably amazing)
6:50-7:10 - pray - we each pray 3 times and we pray through layers like an onion - we pray for ourselves and things WE can change (our attitudes, our feelings, our emotions, our situations, etc.), then we pray for our immediate families (our husbands, kids, etc.), and then we pray for people who we regularly have direct influence over (I pray for a few choice students, other women pray for co-workers or friends), and finally, we pray for our church/community
7:10-??? - second to the prayer time, this is my favorite.  We respond to each other's prayer.  After hearing our friends' specific prayer request, this is the time that we either ask follow-up questions or offer words of encouragement that we received while hearing her prayer.  Incredibly powerful.
7:15 - I head out...........sometimes the women leave when I do, other times they stay until.....I guess I don't know, but they're always gone when I get home around 4. :)

So, girlfriend, if you live in Topeka, please come.  You won't know what an incredible blessing this prayer group could be for you until you give it a try.  We promise it will be casual, low-key, and encouraging.  So please come.  I promise you will be blessed.  And that sleep you'll miss?  Don't even worry about it.  As my mom says, "Sleep is overrated."

First Year Teacher Stories: Part I

As of the last few weeks, something has been heavy on my heart.  Not in a "I feel convicted about this and must confess" sort of way.  More like "I have hilarious stories from 3 years ago that MUST be made public" sort of way.   You see, sweet readers, while I may be in my fourth year of teaching (my goodness, that makes me feel of the elder persuasion), I was once a bumbling mess of a first year teacher.  And yes, I mean BUMBLING - like, trip over bookbags (oh wait, that still happens), misspeak while saying "get out your sheets of paper" (gotta keep it G-rated on this here blog), and literally pull on my hair while yelling, "Just PLEASE LISTEN!" (sadly, yes, that happened). 

The point is:  I got stories.  And these stories - they must be told.  And while this is titled "part I," if I find that telling these stories actually brings up all sorts of terrible memories, there may not be a part II.  However, if, as I suspect, I find that these stories continue to humor men, women, and children of all ages, there will be parts II-XIV.  So pull up your bootstraps pal, for this could be a long ride. 

I'll begin with my first "in front of the class meltdown."  It's a doozy, I tell ya.  You should know that this story takes place during my 6th hour.  And if you have been a faithful reader for the past 3 years, you know that my 6th hour that first semester was horrid.  HORRID.  And that's not an exaggeration. 

The day of the meltdown I had created a stupid lesson.  I had the kids read all sorts of nonsense about F. Scott Fitzgerald and then write a paragraph about his life.  Sounds all good and fun, right?  Apparently not.  My 6th hour moaned and groaned as I gave the assignment, but I thought, "Silly kids.  They'll soon find out that this is the bee's knees."  Oh friends, I was so wrong (about so many things that first year). 

During the independent work time for this particular lesson, I remember zooming from kid to kid attempting to answer questions but failing miserably (you see, I hadn't learned yet that you should really attempt the assignment before asking the kids to do so...rookie mistake).   The kiddos were so confused and I clearly didn't have an answer for them.  And they kept talking!  Can you believe it?  Teenagers were talking after I asked them not to!?  Oh the humanity!!!  So I warned them that they better stop....or else.....  I seriously had no plan B.  So kept warning them thinking they'll get the hint.  Sadly, they didn't.

Finally I said, "If you don't stop talking and do your work, I'm going to take the assignment from you and you're going to have to come in on your own time to finish it!!!"  I didn't even think I meant it.  But 20 seconds later, I had this strange out-of-body experience and I heard myself say, no, yell, "THAT'S IT!  EVERYONE HAND FORWARD YOUR PAPERS.  WE'RE MOVING ON!!!!"  And internally, I was all, "Heidi (curse word, curse word, curse word), what are you doing!?!?  You have nothing to move on to!!!  You better think fast, you crazy woman, or this is going to get even more out of hand."

And the best part about the moment?  I really thought I was teaching the kids a lesson.  You know, you don't do you work, you're going to pay, suckers.  You better call home and let mom and pops know you'll be staying after (insert evil laugh).  Oh how wrong I was.  Their response as they handed forward their papers?  Cheers.  Laughter.  High-fives.  I kid you not.  Which, of course, only made me angrier. 

By this point, I was literally shaking and sweat was pouring out of every pore on my body.  But I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, and did the only thing I could think of:  "Kids, get out your books.  We're just going to start reading."  I honestly don't think I had even previewed the next story (first year, friends, first year).  But my toolbox of teaching strategies was already empty, so that's where I went. 

I'm sure the bell rang 10 minutes later, and I'm sure I'm the only individual in the class who even remembers that tragic day.  Even so, it remains forever burned into my mind - the day I lost my cool and gave the kids exactly what they wanted - an excuse to stop working.  Lesson learned:  always have a plan B, for you never know when your alter-ego is going to take over the class and demand that we move on.  Scary stuff, folks.

And that's just the beginning of tales of my first year.   Stay tuned for part II, that is, if you want to read a part II...........

B: BFF LYLAS PTL LOL

Begin by hopping to the youtubes to hit play on this song.

Tomorrow is a big day in the life of my bestie B.  Tomorrow is the day that she follows the call on her life to love people in the nation of Uganda.  You see, nearly a decade and a half ago, she began to feel a burden for the people of Uganda.  And over time, the burden has only intensified.  So tomorrow she will put aside all the creature comforts of America in order to follow Jesus.  And I couldn't be more proud.

This is, most likely, the first picture we took together.  B's dad took it on his Polaroid camera when we were, I believe, in 4th grade....so at least 16 years ago.  There continues to be an awkward amount of difference in our height as well as a huge difference in our athletic prowesses (of course she is more of an athlete than me).

But after 19 years of friendship, countless sleepovers, and at least 500 games of Spit (our made-up card game), we're still besties.

Golly gee, Beezie, I'm going to miss you like like crazy.  But I'm unbelievably proud of the decision you've made and the path you're following.  I've shed quite a few tears this weekend and I'm sure more will follow in the next several days, but the overwhelming peace that this is exactly what you need to be doing completely surpasses the sadness.  So go, sweet friend.  Do your thang.  Love Jesus.  Love the people.  And avoid snakes.  I can't handle another snake story.  In two years, I promise to greet you with coffee and sushi.

Sending you more love, prayers, and thoughts of chips and salsa than you could possibly know.

A Series

So there was this one time in June that 3 ladies from Abilene came to partake in all the amenities Topeka could offer.  Food was eaten, pedicures were given, shopping was done, and laughter was heard.  A day that ranks in the top 10 of all days this summer. 

And then we tried to take a picture.  And this happened.

 Yes, let's sit on the couch.

 Waiting so patiently.

 Minor adjustments.

 Happy.

 Happier.

 My favorite.

 Offering suggestions.

 Mid-swap.

 Happy again.

 Hahahahahahahaha.  Love you, B.

 Stair-stepping.

 Awkward hand.

I think there's one or two winners in this series, right? 

House Stuff (and stuff)

***Disclaimer:  when I spend large amounts of time away from people (aka: summer), my humor apparently distorts and I do weird things like tell you about my conversation with my front door.  You've been warned.  Carry on.***

How's that for a descriptive title?  I bet it makes you all excited.  Will this be about her patio?  Ooooo, what about her new-to-her piano?  Or even Daniel's mower saga?????  The possibilities are endless!!!!

Well, friends, this is about littlish changes I have made since the old house tour of May 2013.  But, before you read on, if you are a female and you live in or near Topeka, please take a moment to read this.   I trust you did that.  Let's move on.

So I've been waiting to show you a few things until some spaces are perfect.  But, let's be honest, no space is ever perfect or done, so let's just call these pics progress.  

You may or may not remember this vignette from the May house tour.  The lamp was disturbingly awkward....recall?  So a series of events occurred (the details would probably bore you to tears).  Let's just say that my mom bought me this lamp.  Fun, huh?  And I'm in the process of trying to regrow some sweet potato vines (mom, I noticed today that some roots are formed.....what do I do next?). 

 Still a happy corner.  I've never been crazy about red in my home, but since this dresser was my very first project (5 years ago? 6 years ago?), I can't bear to think about repainting it (shocker, I know).

Side note:  if you follow me on Instagram, you know that we bought a piano from our Alma Mater for a steal.  Upon it's arrival home, Daniel asked me if I was going to paint it.  After gasping in horror for 10ish minutes, I flailed around and hollered "No!"  He was legitimately surprised.....I suppose after you paint every surface in your house [(including kitchen cabinets, bathroom vanities, office built-ins, Craigslist furniture, and every wall (some more than once)], you build a name for yourself.  Note to self. I digress. 

 Love me some burlap. 

 SIL Tammy found the idea somewhere on the interwebz to put a few small things in a small foyer.  So we did!  Daniel thinks they're silly, but he thinks 75% of my never-ending-always-looking-for-something decor tweaks are silly.  The chevron-esque basket functions as a holding point for things that need to go upstairs.  And the price tag is still on my TJ Maxx clearance faux plant.  Super. 

 OMG.  Almost forgot to mention my stripes!  Holy knees-throbbing-back-aching stripes.  Totes worth it, but picture me saying "oh my woooooooord" 500 times during the process.  Yes.  Five hours of taping (an old house = walls that aren't square, so the use of a level is pointless). 

 And my yellow front door!  Every time I come downstairs, it says, "Well hellooooooooooooo Heidi!  I'm feeling mighty fine today!!!"  And I respond, "Hello old door.  You only took half a morning to paint, so I approve of your emotions."  And Daniel says, "She may be cray, but I love her anyway."

 Just for kicks, here is a close-up of the stripes.  I read a few tutorials first and then made up my own tutorial.  My own tutorial is a-comin!

 But for now I'm just going to relish in the happiness that is our foyer.......and then I'll start thinking about painting above the chair rail.  I believe I'll be enlisting help for that one.

 I updated this cute little lamp that I've had for a decade and bought at a thrift shop.  A different lamp shade can really liven up a sad little lamp.  Oh look, there's my piano!  With a mass of accessories atop.  Someday I'll address that.  

A project that has been brewing for quite some time is window treatments in our family room.  For my birthday, yes, 3 months ago, I asked for fabric.  Long story short, this fabric came from a teeny-tiny fabric store 5 miles south of Canada in a little town in Washington.  Ah, the interwebz. 

 I'm not 100% thrilled with the way they turned out (I get all perfectionistic when I make things like this), but I'm just living with them for now.

 I really wish they had more depth to them, so I'm thinking about making some faux ties in a deep gray color or attaching a border to draw the eye up.

 We shall see.  In the meantime, here is a close-up of the fabric.  It's sort of blue-grayish with deep yellow flowers. 

 Oh yes, and my MIL bought a new ottoman for her house, so we took her old one off her hands.  And, of course, I painted it.  Was not thrilled with how it turned out, but my SIL suggested that I go over the white with a glaze (when we got it, it was black) to add some depth. 

 Lest you think my house is always this picked up, allow me to turn 180 degrees.  What can I say?  We do a lot of living here. :) 

Also, with school starting in less than a month (picture me sobbing uncontrollably like a small child), our house projects will certainly start to dwindle.  Oh the beauty of summer.  It's fun while it lasts.

Next up - stripe tutorial!! 

Ladies of Topeka!!

***If you love information as much as I do, read this whole post.  If you just want the deets, read only what is in blue. Just looking out for my skimming friends. :) ***

About a month ago, I was given a vision of something I need to start.  My close friends know me to have many life revelations, which is all good and fun, but my "visions" are few and far between.  And most of the time, I don't share them with anyone due to fear of any number of things.  I've wrestled with this one.  To many, it might not be a big deal to throw it out there, but to me, it feels risky.  Here we go...

I've learned quite a bit about prayer over the past 6 months.  Golly, people, prayer is powerful.  I mean, blow your mind, cross your eyes, stop your heart, pull out your hair powerful.  And I've learned that I don't pray with people enough.  Sure, I pray for people all the time, but making a conscious effort to gather with others just to pray has not exactly been a priority for years.  Let me back up.

In middle school, one of my youth pastors met with a small group of students every Monday morning at Daylight Donuts for prayer time (tweens, donuts, early morning.....bless him).  Sure there was probably more giggling and general adolescent shenanigans than actual prayer, but for a handful of tweens, I'd say it was pretty focused.  Then in high school, I joined a prayer group that gathered once a week in a corner of the school to pray.  It was a larger group of kiddos (still only about 8-10) and was definitely more focused.  Throughout college I participated off and on with various groups that gathered to share and pray (and occasionally dare....get it Tabor folks?).  ALL these times were meaningful and full of growth.  Since college, however, I haven't been part of or tried to establish a group that meets solely to pray.

For the past year or so, my heart has been aching to gather with women and just pray.  Daniel hears everything on my heart.  He's a fantastic sounding board and the best listener of all time, but there's just something about women gathering to share and pray.  Truth.   Pray for each other, pray for our families, pray for our workplaces, pray for our neighborhoods, pray for our city.  Just pray.

So I've been wanting to start a prayer group, but over the past year, I've come up with the following excuses:
-I may be a morning person, but few people are, so no one would show up in the morning.
-Afternoons/evenings are full and I'm tired, so I wouldn't mentally be present.
-No one would be interested.  Then I would feel lame.
-I don't want to host because then I always have to be there.  hahaha
-What if no one shares anything and it becomes a place to share about our neighbor's aunt and our brother's dog?  (Let it be known that I know that God cares about and hears every request, but, come on people, we've all been in communities where those are the types of requests shared.  Not awesome.)

.....but about a month ago, I realized that enough is enough.  I need to be part of a group that gathers to pray.  Like, I legit need this.  I told Daniel of my vision and he said, "Yes.  You should definitely do this."  So here we go...

Ladies of Topeka, listen up.  Beginning on the Thursday after Labor Day (Thursday, September 5) at 6:30 AM, you are invited to the Carlson Casa for prayer time.  We'll meet every Thursday, same time, same place.  I'll provide coffee, hot tea, and a place.  You provide yourself.  

(Sweaty-palmed as I write this.....see the excuses above.) 

I'll need to run out the door right at 7:15, but you're welcome to stick around (my home is your home!).  Gals, this is going to happen through the whole school year, so come as often as you can, and stay as long as you can.  If you know there is no way you're showing up anywhere at 6:30 AM, then come at 7!  Or come once a month.  Depending on the size any given week, I imagine we'll split up into groups of 3-4 and scatter around the house to pray.  Nervous because you might not know anyone?  Just take it all in for a few weeks.  Or, better yet, bring a friend!!  Your friends are my friends. :) Not willing to share what's really on your heart at first?  Totes fine.  I'm pumped about getting down and dirty and praying with you all.  So just come.  Your heart will most definitely be filled.  This I know. 

So looking forward to praying with you.

And seriously believing in this: "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." - Matthew 18:20

Holler at me with questions!